Alone and Back in the Dark

What is going on with me?? I wish I knew! I am definitely at the lowest point I've been at in a while- at least since before I came out of the closet. I feel as if all the people I was meeting left and right for the past two months have faded away-I have fallen out of touch with most, some don't even care to meet me, and others have started to dislike me. And my old friends all have sudden problems with me, or more accurately, my obsession over guys. I have nowhere to turn, my close friends don't want to hear my problems, guys I meet don't want to hear my problems, I dont want to hear my problems, you all don't want to read about my problems on here. It is almost like I have regressed back into the darkness and that I can't even talk about anything with anyone anymore without feeling like an absolute fool.

The number one thing I hate about life in college is that my friends are so categorized. In high school it was simple: I had my close friends and some kids from my classes, and that was it. Now, I have my high school friends, my gay friends, music friends, and other friends that I've met through facebook and stuff. It is a bunch of fragments, and I can't join any of them together. I absolutely hate it. A piece of me wants to ditch everyone and start over- it would be so much easier to start over than piece this mess together. But at the same time I don't want to give up on what I've created thus far. But it seems like its slipping away more and more each day. If people aren't willing to meet eachother, how am I ever supposed to be happy, and make my friends happy? Whatever.

I had a long day, it wasn't bad per se, but I am still mentally exhausted. I want to just relax with someone, that special someone, but right now, and at least until next semester, that isnt a possibility. And I'll just have to get over it. I thought this coming out of the closet shindig would make things better, and...they did. But noone told me they were going to get shitty again so fast.