Thanksgiving...should be 'Worryhaving' instead

So I am thrilled to be home. Here I sit, different location, same thoughts, added allergic reaction and annoyance of parents. I am glad to be away from Gainesville, but it has been almsost eerie, driving around at 11:10 last night and having gas stations be closed, noone on the roads, traffic lights changing for you. It is such a different dynamic in Gainesville than here, I can't help but be disappointed that when I look over at a red light that I see an old grandma rather than a hot UF boy. Can you blame me?

On that note, I am feeling very sexually frustrated tonight. I finally saw A Home at the End of the World, a great movie although the plot definitely drifted away from the plot of the novel (which I read earlier this semester). Collin Ferrel was HOT more so because he wasnt the womanizing dickface asshole that is in real life- instead he was passionate, caring, and beautiful inside and out. I wanted to kiss him myself. The fact that he was bisexual didnt help ease the sexual yearning, either. If you are even a little open minded I would highly reccomend both the book and the novel, they are both freaking fantastic.

Anyway, I mentioned that I was feeling alone, only becuase...now that my parents know that Kristin and I arent dating, I know they are wondering the real reason why. I don't think they suspect anything, but at the same time it just makes me think about it more and more. I just wish they weren't in their own world- my mom wont even know this kind of news is coming. And I'm having second thoughts about dad- he is so much more senile now than I remember. I mean...on top of coming out to them I am having worries about their health and how long they are actually going to be in my life. I know it's still early, but when I look at Frank (who is almost 40) and Paul (who is approaching mid-30s) I just realize how much less I am going to get to have Dad and Mom in my life than them. It is just a sad fact. And it makes me sadder when I realize that I cant keep my news to myself for very long, because it isnt like I am going to be 60 and have my dad at my side. Because there isn't any way he is living that long. I don't want to start sounding morbid, I don't think they are going to die tomorrow- I just feel like I need to tell them but, and here is the cliche part...how? I have no fucking idea. I just wish they could know by osmosis and I could just answer whatever questions they may have- but life doesnt work like that.

I sometimes wish I was more obviously gay, so it wouldnt come as such a shock to them. They are so old and have dealt with so much, with divorces and losing contact with their first son, hurricanes, weight issues, diabetes...I just don't want to dump this shit on them when I feel as if they cant handle it. I really am at a loss. I just want to tell them right now, but it's Thanksgiving and all. I just don't know. I am rambling, so I should probably end the post sometime soon. Have a goodnight everyone, and enjoy turkey with your respective families. Goodnight.