Here is that long introspective post I promised...

I realize more and more how many people I know here at UF. Then I subsequently realize how many people I don't know. The funny and ironic part is that these people are usually one in the same. I can recognize a face, have a friendly "oh good seeing you!" conversation, and smile at the fact that I have met and interacted with a cool individual. Directly afterwards I realize how few people I know well enough to unconditionally pause my life for. You know, those close friends you hang out with all the time, the friends that cause you to laugh and laugh and make other people wonder..."wow, what is wrong with them," the friends that you share 501 inside jokes with, the people who simply mean the world to you. I mean, even after having a really enjoyable evening with a couple of really cool friends, like tonight, that innocent and sincere "we should do this again sometime!" just makes you stop and realize how transient college is, since moments like that never seem to be repeated.

I guess it is the nature of the beast; thousands of people leading their lives, all sharing the common bond of attending classes, going out, eating at the same restaurants, driving on the same streets, working at the places the others patronize...but ultimately each with a different agenda and life. It really is great when it comes to a sour relationship in which you want to distance yourself from the astranged; the impeding schedules and different course loads lend themselves to maintaining a happy distance. However, this benefit is quite the opposite when it comes to seeing those people whom you really want to get to know better. The fact that one never gets that opportunity to allow friendships to bloom into that crazycool state is kinda disappointing. It does happen, but as I look back at this my first here in college, I realize it hasn't happened to me. I wonder if it was something I did or didn't do, or if I just didn't find myself in the situations and classes that lend themselves to something more in regards to friendship. I feel somewhat hipocritical in posting this, because like I said, I have met so many cool, amazing, friendly, and worthwile people here. On the same token, I feel as if my friendships with them are stagnant and underdeveloped.

I guess for now I will let it slide. A lot happened this year; I came out, I kissed boys for the first time, I had my first few heartbreaks and emotional realizations, I lived in an uncomfortable living environment for ten months, I dealt with being a freshman at a huge unaccepting public university. I also realize that there is still time to experience lasting friendships. I was told once by my mother and oldest brother that lifelong friendships are born in your first year of college; Frank does still talk to his first roomate, after all. Yet, like most other things, it didn't happen to me like that, and that is OK.

I dunno where I was leading with this post. It probably isn't what I had in mind yesterday, but it crossed my mind tonight. It isn't meant to depress, it was more of an acceptance type discharge of emotion. Not a bad thing.

I will leave you all with a wonderful reminder though, just in case I depressed some of you with this. Exodus from the Gspot (and Beaty shithole) is in approximately twenty three days. True bliss.