Freshman Year: A Reflection

Well freshman year is finally coming to a close. The roomates are packing up, people are leaving town, classes are ending and exams are being taken. I realized while watching the concert band perform tonight what a fucked up year it has been for me. If you were to ask me to sum it up in one word I would say "hellish" without hesitation; in reality, though, it was so dynamic. I look back and am just astounded at the people I have met, the realizations i have made, how my outlook on life and my happiness with myself have so greatly improved. I mean, I really had absolutely no idea that telling Erica my painful secret on that fateful day in September would change things so much. I mean, it had been my reason for staying in the closet so long: I was simply petrified of everything being different.

In retrospect, I was right on the money about the change. I was also completely back asswards about being afraid. I really wonder now where I would be today had I not made that now seemingly simple step. I could be leading a life that, in essence, isn't my own: Kristin might be packing her bags for Gainesville rather than Miami; I would be rooming with her rather than three girls next year; I wouldn't know 90% of the friends I've made here in Gainesville; I'd have spent every day in a miserable depression; and I know for a fact I wouldn't have given up the happy pills that kept my sorrow at bay for so long.

I also wonder if this whole college thing might not have been so bad considering the fact that, had I not come out, I wouldn't have been forced to learn how to be gay while trying to get used to everything else being different in college as well. But then I subsequently realize just how much worse it would have been. Cause most of the stuff that has changed has so vastly changed for the better.

Well, Erica is here and we are going to go eat. I will finish pondering on this later, because I definitely have more to say. Till then...ttfn. <--Erica's suggestion.