To Kristin.
I think it has been a day of discovery. I discovered some good books [(a) (b) (c)] for incredibly low prices, I discovered some hope for homosexuals in a positively dynamic world, and, at the risk of sounding cliche and cornball, I discovered love, in an its-been-there-all-along sense, anyway.
It is the last that I've been thinking about most. I dont really know why it came to the forefront today, I mean, I guess that's why they call it an epiphany; one doesn't expect something profound to happen so suddenly. Even though it was somewhat obvious all along it is so surprising that a single moment can change everything. I guess I lie saying it happened tonight; it was last night, if you want to be technical about it. Something about the way she looked at me smacked me in the face with "holy shit, I love this person." That moment has never happened to me before, and I can't really describe it any other way.
It makes me smile to know that the love I share with Kristin is so incredibly unique and intrinsically our own. I realized last night that even though our love wont be obtained in the romantic, wife-and-kids, live happily ever after sense, it is still amazing in its own right. Perhaps something about the right of passage that is graduation night affected me somehow; perhaps seeing her face in that crowd and reaching out for her hand physically reminded me; perhaps it was the fact that, regardless of my sexuality, her parents love me as a member of their family; perhaps it was the many moments, memories, smiles, fights, panic attacks, Six Feet Under episodes, dinners as both boyfriend/girlfriend and gay best friend/best friend, trips to West Palm, hours talking in my car, hundreds of missed and returned phone calls, and countless other things we've shared; perhaps it is the appreciation we have for each other that is so great that it can't be quantified; perhaps its some aggregate (you know I wouldn't have used this word in any other post) of all of these that, in that smile and hug goodbye in the MCHS parking lot, made me finally realize my love for her.
Kristin, I am writing this for the world to see. I don't really care that I sound like a cornball idiot. It makes me happy that, at 19, I can say that I love another person. Although I am sad that I couldn't fulfill your life in that societal image of what's "right," I just want you to know know that I will be there when that moment comes to you, as I know it will. I will be right there by your side forever (god the corniness is oozing). I don't know how but I have this gut feeling that "bff" is not so far off for us. Simply put: Kristin, I love you profoundly.
Well, so ends my platonic gush fest. I don't know, I just had to get it out there. I was sitting there looking at the St. Lucie River today, Kristin across the table from me, sharing yet another one of our best friend moments, and it was on my mind; finally something really just happy that I wanted people to know about. It's late though, I think I'm gonna call it a night.
It is the last that I've been thinking about most. I dont really know why it came to the forefront today, I mean, I guess that's why they call it an epiphany; one doesn't expect something profound to happen so suddenly. Even though it was somewhat obvious all along it is so surprising that a single moment can change everything. I guess I lie saying it happened tonight; it was last night, if you want to be technical about it. Something about the way she looked at me smacked me in the face with "holy shit, I love this person." That moment has never happened to me before, and I can't really describe it any other way.
It makes me smile to know that the love I share with Kristin is so incredibly unique and intrinsically our own. I realized last night that even though our love wont be obtained in the romantic, wife-and-kids, live happily ever after sense, it is still amazing in its own right. Perhaps something about the right of passage that is graduation night affected me somehow; perhaps seeing her face in that crowd and reaching out for her hand physically reminded me; perhaps it was the fact that, regardless of my sexuality, her parents love me as a member of their family; perhaps it was the many moments, memories, smiles, fights, panic attacks, Six Feet Under episodes, dinners as both boyfriend/girlfriend and gay best friend/best friend, trips to West Palm, hours talking in my car, hundreds of missed and returned phone calls, and countless other things we've shared; perhaps it is the appreciation we have for each other that is so great that it can't be quantified; perhaps its some aggregate (you know I wouldn't have used this word in any other post) of all of these that, in that smile and hug goodbye in the MCHS parking lot, made me finally realize my love for her.
Kristin, I am writing this for the world to see. I don't really care that I sound like a cornball idiot. It makes me happy that, at 19, I can say that I love another person. Although I am sad that I couldn't fulfill your life in that societal image of what's "right," I just want you to know know that I will be there when that moment comes to you, as I know it will. I will be right there by your side forever (god the corniness is oozing). I don't know how but I have this gut feeling that "bff" is not so far off for us. Simply put: Kristin, I love you profoundly.
Well, so ends my platonic gush fest. I don't know, I just had to get it out there. I was sitting there looking at the St. Lucie River today, Kristin across the table from me, sharing yet another one of our best friend moments, and it was on my mind; finally something really just happy that I wanted people to know about. It's late though, I think I'm gonna call it a night.
posted by Mark at 2:08:00 AM
1 Comments:
I think I started tearing up as soon as I read the title, the tears actually came down about halfway through, and now that I am finished reading they just won't stop. Everything you said about me is the same for you; I will always be there, no matter what, and I can't help but use a cliche there because there is no other way I can put it. We've made it through this, and to an outsider maybe it doesn't seem like the most important achievement in the world, but we know the true, enormity-on-steroids effort it took to get here and personally I think it would have been much easier just to move a mountain. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world (our crazy weird life!) and I wouldn't trade you for the universe. I love you always.
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