So much good, so much bad

Today has been quite a problem. I have about four topics with which I could write this post about. Which one to tackle, is really beyond me. Maybe I'll do them all, systematically.

1. Thinking can have disasterous results.

I find that I think way, way, way too much about everything. Blame AP classes, blame my overactive brain cells, but I don't know how someone with not-off-the-chart intelligence thanks so fucking much. I find myself wondering what my point in being at this place is, what it is that sets me apart from the hundreds of other attractive college guys who look exactly the same as me, why I am in the classes I am in, and why, if I am so "great" as my friends say I am, why meeting people and fitting in here is such a fucking hard process. I think I have unrealistic expectations:

2. I want to experience everything, right NOW.

I have been here at UF for the fall session for what, about a month or so. Yet, for some reason, I came with the expectation that I was going to experience all that college had to offer already. I find myself disappointed that my roomates are sub-par, my dorm isn't social, that partying is exclusive and boring, and that the classes I am in simply do not feel like the college classes I was expecting. Maybe it is a GOOD thing that I feel like I am not in school everyday. However, being forced through 12 years of public education starts to wear you out, that you end up expecting to die in school. And some people are dying here, which makes me wonder even more if I am somehow cheating the system, or cheating myself. I don't really quite understand. Another thing I dont quite understand is today's unbelievable and startling shift in:

3. The Weather!

I woke up this morning and was cold. For the first time, MY dorm room was cold? Something must be up. So I shower, get dressed, and go outside. To my disbelief, there is a CHILLY breeze, it isnt blazingly hot, the humidity is virtually non-exisistant, and I was simply thrilled. The first hints of fall are finally here! I can start wearing long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, ooh the excitement. That is all I have to say about that. Cold air makes me a much, much happier person. However...

4. How can I be so happy and yet so miserable at the same time?

How can so many things go right, and then virtually and almost simultaneously, enough things go wrong to successfully cancel out all the happy things? This is the predicament I am dealing with today. I am an emotional mess, not because I am unhappy, but because so many unfortunate things are happening on top of wonderful things. I am starting to lose the ability to discern between the two. The fact that I had four topics to write about should prove that a LOT is going on in Mark-land today, for whatever reason. I think I am trying to prove to myself that I am not a nobody, that I do in fact have something to offer life. But I still reconsider that and sink back into my old mode, but I am really trying to overcome it. Oh well, I guess that whole "one step forward, two steps back" philosophy applies here.

Well, so concludes my quartet of quandaries.