My worst nightmare. Lived.

Ask anyone what their number one fear is, and they either say "heights," "speaking in front of people," or "rejection." For me, this last one has a particularly high status in my book. Tonight that fear came to life...for in my quest to reach out and meet people, talk to people I normally wouldn't think I could approach, make strides in the right direction towards being outgoing...BAM. I was shut down. Never before have I felt so worthless, like I made the complete wrong impression, wishing for every second that I could go back in time and fix what ever it was that I fucked up so badly. If this person is reading this, so be it, you know who you are. No words can express the name of the place where I find myself. Humiliated? Ashamed? Embarrassed? Terrible? No, none of those speak enough about how fucking lame ass I feel. And with my luck, this person will just think that what I'm writing now is just more and more evidence about what a fucking FREAK I actually am. Well, sorry. You are wrong there. I do feel shitfaced about what happened but I sincerely know that I am not that much of a pathetic lunatic. Whatever. I am going to try my hardest not to think about it, but the vicious cycle that is my thought process is just going to make me think about it more and more, making me more and more miserable and depressed. This just is NOT what I needed at this point of the game. I fucking hate this. Fuck life.